Monday, January 28, 2008

Kaitlyn's Sighs

Well, today was a balmy 58 degrees and partly sunny-hence the YELLOW color; so we celebrated by going to the fish pond and trying to feed the fish -which wojuld not come eat popcorn. Kaitlyn and I decided they were telling us in their own way that they were "not going to eat anything to make us get fat and then end up in a frying pan to end up in your tummy!" lol To make up for the fish not eating popcorn, we HAD to spend some time at the park-swinging, climbing on the jungle gym and Kailtyn decided to try her hand at sliding without using her hands or feet to "slow her down"-I wish I had taken the camera! She was oh so successful! I turned to see her sliding down the slide (of which she has been afraid until 3 weeks ago) with her hands in the air and yelling "mama, will you be just WAAAY to shocked???!" I nearly fell off the step I was sitting on!
A friend with a heart of GOLD sent me the following, and it sounds sooo much like my Kaitlyn-so I hope you enjoy it:

Puppy Size...
This is one of the neatest stories you will ever hear. You will know precisely what this little girl is talking about at the end (you'll want to share this one with your loved ones and special friends)!
"Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again. We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this," the mother told the volunteer. "What is it she keeps asking for?" the volunteer asked.
"Puppy size!'"replied the mother.
"Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for."
"I know...we have seen most of them,"the mom said in frustration...
Just then Danielle came walking into the office "Well, did you find one?" asked her mom.
"'No, not this time,'"Danielle said with sadness in her voice. "Can we come back on the weekend?"
The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed. "You never know when we will get more dogs. Unfortunately, there's always a supply," the volunteer said.
Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door. "Don't worry, I'll find one this weekend," she said.
Over the next few days both mom and dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular. "It's this weekend or we're not looking any more," Dad finally said in frustration. 'We don't want to hear anything more about puppy size either," Mom added.

Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages. There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren't permitted. Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look. One by one, the dogs were brought out and she held each one. One by one she said, "Sorry, you're not the one."
It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely. This time she took a little longer.
"Mom, that's it! I found the right puppy! He's the one! I know it!" she screamed with joy. 'It's the puppy size!" "
But it's the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,' Mom said. "No not size... the sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed," she said. "Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love, the bigger the sigh!"
The two women looked at each other for a moment. Mom didn't know whether to laugh or cry. As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both.
"Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms," she said.
Then holding the puppy up close to her face she said, "Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!"
Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day. They are the sighs of God! Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what you hear. "Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. " May each of you feel and hear the sighs of God...

Sunday, January 27, 2008

wonder if this translation stuff works...

Well, today is Sunday-one of Kaitlyn's favorite days. She loves to go to church and to Sunday school. I wish I had a picture of her from this morning. She had on one of her favorite dresses- it is probably the last time she will wear it; it has a black velvet bodice with white pearls on the neckline, the skirt is black and red taffeta with a black satin bow, it has short puffy sleeves that match the skirt. She wore black "stockings" with black patten leather shoes- she looked so tiny for some reason, and yet so big!
The weather is warmer today- nearing 50, the sun is coming out-and we have NO rain!
Kaitlyn loved the sermon-it was from Matthew 14:22-33; where Jesus told the disciples to go head in a boat while He went to pray, then he walked out on the water to meet them in the storm. Kaitlyn is always thinking of fishing and "what did the fish think", "What would Jesus say if..."
Funny, I had never imagined how the disciples may have felt, but it says they were scared of the "ghost" approaching on the water. I guess I would have been afraid of a figure walking on a stormy sea also! lol But Peter, in order to make sure it was Jesus said "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come out to you". I have often wondered why; then it dawned on me- anyone (ok, a "ghost") would have kept coming, but Jesus would have been able to create a miracle, and Peter could also walk on the stormy sea and Peter KNEW this! Well, Jesus did tell Peter "Come" and Peter did just that. I wonder, would I have had the faith to do that? Would I have said" Lord, if it is you, hurry and get in the boat" or better yet, "Lord, if it is you, STOP the storm!" Once Peter was on the water, he seemed to forget WHY he was there- he lost sight of his goal-Jesus outstretched hand, and began to fall. BUT! Jesus / God is right on time...Jesus reached out and took Peter's hand, and he did not drown. How often do I yell at God and say "where are you??!!" "Why are you not answering ME?!" I often forget that it was ME who stepped OUT OF THE BOAT, and it is ME who forgets the GOAL...and God/Jesus is always waiting for me to reach out and take His hand...
If you have not guessed it, I spend many days "Shouting AT the Lord" nearly as many as "Shouting TO the Lord" and yet, HE always has His hand stretched out ready to answer in HIS timing...and NO, I am not always happy with His timing, but after all, I DID STEP OUT OF THE BOAT, SO IT IS I WHO MUST KEEP SIGHT OF THE matter what the day has in store...So my goal this week is to remember: GOD IS ALWAYS RIGHT ON TIME.

Friday, January 25, 2008

In Prince's heart...

Well, it is early-for writing anyway :-)
I am using green as Kaitlyn has expressed her desires for warmer weather and sunshine. I would have used yellow, but it really does not show up that well and I am not in a super sunny mood! :-)
Kaitlyn is still running a fever and showing me patches of "bites". She is having transient patches of whelts, most of them do not itch-but the idea is making me crazy as I have no idea what could be causing any of this-not comforting to a mama who is also a nurse. I don't feel like being a nurse today, I just want to be her mama and cuddle her and read to her today, she seems to think this is a wonderful idea.
As Kaitlyn sits and watches one of her new-found, and also most favorite programs-"Word World", she cuddles her mini-schnauzer and asks "mama, does Prince (yes, she named him and his full name is "Prince Charming" Registered and all! lol) have a heart?"
"Yes, he has a heart, all living things have a heart"
"Well, what is IN his heart?"
"hmmm, I think just muscles and blood"
"Mama, why not God, and love, and happy things?"
"Well, I am not sure if God lives in animals' hearts, I think God does love animals or He would not have made them." "You are probably right, there is probably lots of love in his little heart, and he has happy things too, 'cuz he knows you love him".
"Mama, when I die will you tell Prince I love him?"
"Yes, I will tell Prince you love him, but you won't die yet"
"mama, you KNOW I have to die one day and go get my wings".
Ok, panic mode kicks in about now-she has this way of bringing up death...she is calm as she speaks about it, but it brings a certain panic to my heart.
"Kaitlyn, when are you going to die"
"Oh, not yet, but when it is time, I will go to heaven. Don't forget-OK?"
"OK, I won't forget"
"You won't forget to tell Prince I always love him?"
"No, I won't forget, plus I think he will always know and I think he will feel you as an angel when you get your wings".
"OH,MAMA!" "DO you think God will let Prince see me with my wings? That would be way cool, huh mama?!?" As she flits off to read a book about 5 little monkeys who tease a crocadile...

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Fun places today

Well, first off I must change the colors of the posts around- Kaitlyn says God sees and thinks in "rainbow colors and so should we"-so I will try to not do everything in purple.

This morning started off much like most-Kaitlyn coming in to kiss me "awake" and verify it is "day time" and then asks "what color will our robes be in heaven?" I told her I was not sure, but they would definitely be beautiful ones. She then proceeds to explain about the "rainbow colors of God"- after all ,His promise is a Rainbow mom!! lol
The topic then turns to "how soft or rough will the robes be?" as she rubs my super-soft-double-weight-white-with-blue-snowflakes-on-it "Mink" blanket from Korea (by the way, I have never, and I mean NEVER felt anything so soft and cuddly!). I of course state, "oh my, they should be like this blanket" and she says "are you sure? Are you sure they won't be rough like the jeans you make me wear sometimes?" I asked her why God would make us wear Rough Robes- she says "oh, He would not want us to, but sometimes we would not do much except cuddle in the robes if they are too soft!" lol The logic of a 4 year old that is constantly reminding me that God told her she would return to heaven one day to get her wings back...

We are on like, day 39 of rain-ok, not 39 it just seems like it- but we have had rain nearly every day the last 2 weeks and add to that the cold tempuratue, and it is not much fun for anyone, let alone a child who wants to go see and feed the fish, look for frogs, or swing on the playground behind our house. I decided today was a good day to visit the Post Library and behold- Kaitlyn thought it was" a great idea" too! She still has not found the "joy" of sitting in a chair or on the floor and "reading" a good book, but she did "flit around" like "tinkerbell" for a while -then we realized something! There, in the corner, were computers. Why on earth are there computers in the childrens' room? We check it out and they are set up for educational games! Talk about a happy girl!! She sat down, put on the headphones and commenced to yell "mama, I want to do this by my self, I don't need you to show me how, I can do it if I try". I had to explain that she was yelling with the headphones on and asked how she could "do it herself" if she has never been on a computer? She then let me show her how the mouse buttons clicked and that clicking the arrow at the bottom of the page changed the screen to another section of the game...she would have stayed there for days!

After the library we went to "another fun place" for her-we went to the central registration office for the Youth Center-this way if need be she can go to the daycare center and if any programs (dance, music, etc) open up for children under the age of 6, she can attend. She had a blast stacking large foam blocks, dancing and hopping around a round rug containing the ABC's and naming all the letters and then realized she can do it backwards too...the things that excite her~!

On to the Commissary. Oh yea! I dread this part, but Kaitlyn thinks it is an adventure- if there is no "car" cart, then she sits in the back and stacks cans and boxes and counts and tries to read what everyting says as well as telling me what I should have bought and what needs to be put back on the shelf. Peas are not to be placed in the cart and "Oatmeal can kill you!" When I explained it won't kill her, she says "it makes me gag and gagging must kill you!" So, no oatmeal (thank goodness! it makes me gag too) goes into the shopping cart. We then proceed to purchase what is on her list- Cherries, grapes, blueberries-that-you-wash, milk, blueberry yogurt, some "mul gogi" (fish) that I MUST fry Korean style (oh dear Lord help me, nothing I make tastes Korean enough to either of us!). She then asks "Mama, why don't American stores have Korean grapes and why don't American strawberries taste as good as Korean Strawberries?"... Of course I had to explain that it is not the season for Korean grapes, and at the price for the grapes it is not the season for American or Chilean grapes either! And no-one can explain why the best strawberries in the World are grown and sold in Korea!

After shopping we load up the car and head for home-Kaitlyn is happy that we went to her fun places today-and insists we hurry home as daddy promised to "tape" "WORD WORLD" for her on the DVR.

We get home, she plopps her little patootie in daddy's recliner, grabs her snack bowl of apple slices, "blueberries that you wash (real ones), and a few red grapes and prepares to watch WORD WORLD- only we find out it did not tape. I then have to listen to 100 questions about why it did not tape, did we do it on purpose so she would not watch TV and take a nap (hmm, what an idea!), yadda, yadda, yadda.

Ok. let's do something else fun- let's peel cucumbers! I actually let her peel a cuke with the peeler-she felt so grown up (she did not do many peels) and when she asked to taste it I shaved off a slice.
"Mama! this is skin"
"no it is a shaved cucumber, taste it- it is not skin"
"MAMA! why are you making it look like skin, I want to eat a cucumber that looks like a real one" we then must cut it into match sticks...

Such is a typical day! I am begining to feel she needs to attend Pre-school at least a few half days a week! lol

Before she sits and cuddles with daddy to "rest her eyes, and not go to sleep yet", she tells daddy and I "do you know you are my heart, my starts and all my love?"
How better to end a "perfect" day?? How better to make me want to adopt another one!
Good night...

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Hmm, to get started

Hello! I am Tammy and the beauty in the box is "Kaitlyn" and God blessed ME with the opportunity to be her mama! She was adopted from a very "small" orphanage in South Korea-small meaning not fancy, only 45 to 50 children depending on the day, and the children do without many of the modern things our children feel are necessities- but these children have tons of love to share and they have an assistant "baby home" director with a heart of pure Gold. Kaitlyn and I have disucssed many times why she was in an orphanage (we do know her story) and why so many children wait for their "forever families".
When Kaitlyn was not yet 3, she said all babies have wings in heaven, but they have to wait to go back to heaven to get them again, hence, she is not afraid of dying. After volunteering in several orphananges in Korea and then concentrating on this one in particular, I have come to realize my Kaitlyn is wiser than her years or mine-all of the children ARE angels without their wings and if we listen carefully, we will hear the flutter of the wings from Angels on High as they daily protect these little ones. I have personally seen why in Hebrews 13:2 it states: Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for you may have entertained angels, unaware.

Well, guess it is time to learn to "blog". I have been reading the blogs of others for ages and always seem to say "sheeze, wish I could do that"- but if I never try, we will never know.

A few years ago my hubby decided we did not need a photo printer as one can save all the photos they could ever want or need on a computer-so I tried this; Now- I have tons of photos I can't access on a "dead" computer and no way to share the photos! I am hoping a blog with photos will be a means to "save" some photos and info for the kids as they get older.

I am also wanting to learn to do more writing about my feelings on being a "re-newed mother" at the current age of 44 when my 3 oldest children are 32, 24, and 23 and my youngest-who is adopted from Korea- is 4 yrs 9 months. Seems funny- but I have this renewed desire to parent again-not only to show I have learned from past trials and errors (my poor children!), but that I have matured mentally and spiritually as well as physically. I know I have more love for at least one more child, but I really desire 2 more- a little girl the same age or very close in age to Jeongah, and a boy either slightly older or younger (I DO NOT want a child under the age of 2, not sure why, but that of course could change!). My poor husband is not so sure about 2 more, but he says perhaps to one more. Of course, this could mean 3 more children as we are in the process (very interrupted!) of adopting a little girl, soon to be 9 on 22 Jan, from Korea; we provided foster care to her for nearly 2 years and she picked "Daddy" and thus our family seemed to be a good fit for her. She is a delightfully bright child, learns English quickly and swears she is really an American in a Korean body. I have to laugh, I think I am a Korean in a chubby American body, so perhaps we are meant for each other?

Well, it is late and hubby is snoring and I need to figure out a few more things before I get to bed. I am hoping to be able to post some music and photos soon- so please visit again soon.